You are despair incarnate, I see that. You have a pain that no one understands. You are tortured and hurt. Pained by the times, so hurtful and cruel. Filled with righteous indignation. I understand.
And I? I am thoughtless and giddy. Unable to grasp the full spectrum of pain that afflicts you so much. I’m a child, aren’t I? A stupid, vapid child, incapable of feeling as you do.
You’re so much deeper than I am. So much more full of depth and passion.
Screw you.
You pessimist. Reveling in your lack of hope. Enjoying your pain. Masochistic freak. It’s so beautiful, isn’t it? Beautiful, the way you cultivate pain inside yourself, absolutely refusing to gain solace. An art, actually, and you the artist. An artist who manages to keep the darkest side of things in view, no matter what.
Go ahead. I don’t give a damn about you, because you want this. You relish the hurt. The mental anguish. So go ahead. Hurt yourself some more. Laugh at me derisively when I try to ease things. When I try to keep a positive outlook. When I’m being simplistically optimistic.
With all your intellect and cynicism, you poison yourself. By embracing your morbid hyper-sensitivity you do no good to others. You only hurt yourself.
You’re the one dying inside. And I’m living. So who’s smarter now? The self-proclaimed intellectual, who’s killing himself unconsciously? Or the simple optimist, who strives for life?
By rejecting a pitiless reality with a rosier one, I’m actually helping. I may not moan for others’ pain the way you do, but by God I’m better than you are. I’m whole.
So when the time comes for action, believe me, I’m the one who’ll help. Not you. Never you.
So take that fact, you pathetic excuse for a human being, and stuff that into your over-crowded brain.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
It's all relative...
A friend just called today, depressed to the core because she didn't get into the medical college of her choice. And I feel so awful for her, because she's not being allowed to forget about it. Her parents still go on about it to her, asking her (rhetorically, duh) why she couldn't do better.
It makes me wonder, what would I have done if my parents had been so hard on me? I've always felt that I was sort of forced into the medical profession, that my parent's ambition was being forced upon me.
But now I think about it, I'm one of the lucky ones. I wasn't forced into this field, I went for it because I had no better idea.
Wonderful what a look at someone else's circumstances can do for you. For the big things, and for the little things.
I love my parents. ^_^
It makes me wonder, what would I have done if my parents had been so hard on me? I've always felt that I was sort of forced into the medical profession, that my parent's ambition was being forced upon me.
But now I think about it, I'm one of the lucky ones. I wasn't forced into this field, I went for it because I had no better idea.
Wonderful what a look at someone else's circumstances can do for you. For the big things, and for the little things.
I love my parents. ^_^
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Trying too hard
I don't think I try very hard at lots of stuff. So when I DO try, it feels wrong.
No, wait, sorry, that's not the direction this was supposed to take. I was supposed to, and I will, comment on the insane need for appreciation.
It's just not normal how far people go to secure approbation from others. I'm not pointing any fingers here, I'm basically talking about my own self and also generalizing other people. Artistic license.
So why is it that everyone tries so hard? Heck, I try so hard even for people I don't know about. I mean, why else did I start this blog? Obviously so I could show off some sort of (non-existent) literary genius. I probably shouldn't think the worst of myself, but I'm such a sneaky little so'n'so that I don't deserve much better.
It's human nature to crave importance, right? There's this quote by Shakespeare about this and I don't remember the first thing about it. And I'm sure Freud had a lot to say about it too.
That's all pop-culture can do for you. Give you vague references to better things and leave you stranded. When I say 'better things' it's all about relativity, of course.
Getting back to the topic, if there is one, the question I'd like answered is if it's possible to stop. Stop trying to impress, stop trying to please. And I'm not just referring to those suck-up people who twist their own personalities to please others.
I'm talking about so-called 'independent' people. Even they do everything with a will to shock and impress, if not to please.
Can we stop it? Stop thinking about how others will react to our statements and actions?
God knows I've been trying to stop, and i just can't seem to shut that part of my mind down. I just have to modify what I do and say in accordance to what some specific person will think. That's the truth and I wish I could deny it, because thinking about it makes me feel so very shallow and weak.
No, wait, sorry, that's not the direction this was supposed to take. I was supposed to, and I will, comment on the insane need for appreciation.
It's just not normal how far people go to secure approbation from others. I'm not pointing any fingers here, I'm basically talking about my own self and also generalizing other people. Artistic license.
So why is it that everyone tries so hard? Heck, I try so hard even for people I don't know about. I mean, why else did I start this blog? Obviously so I could show off some sort of (non-existent) literary genius. I probably shouldn't think the worst of myself, but I'm such a sneaky little so'n'so that I don't deserve much better.
It's human nature to crave importance, right? There's this quote by Shakespeare about this and I don't remember the first thing about it. And I'm sure Freud had a lot to say about it too.
That's all pop-culture can do for you. Give you vague references to better things and leave you stranded. When I say 'better things' it's all about relativity, of course.
Getting back to the topic, if there is one, the question I'd like answered is if it's possible to stop. Stop trying to impress, stop trying to please. And I'm not just referring to those suck-up people who twist their own personalities to please others.
I'm talking about so-called 'independent' people. Even they do everything with a will to shock and impress, if not to please.
Can we stop it? Stop thinking about how others will react to our statements and actions?
God knows I've been trying to stop, and i just can't seem to shut that part of my mind down. I just have to modify what I do and say in accordance to what some specific person will think. That's the truth and I wish I could deny it, because thinking about it makes me feel so very shallow and weak.
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